Our Voices

Kol Nidrei 5786 | 2025

Our world is fraught with big issues and big questions. We’re being asked repeatedly to take a stand, side with this group or that, accept wholeheartedly one message, one way or another. And the issues are big—it’s not just where do we stand on Israel and the war in Gaza. It’s also where do we stand on the rule of law, democracy, and free speech. The year 5786 is going to test us in ways we may not have been tested before, because what all these big issues, big societal debates are asking us, is essentially a personal question: What do you value? What do you hold dear? No group is being tested more than our young adults, which is why I’ll be including their voices in my sermon tonight.

Along with what’s going on in our society right now, there’s another reason I’ve been thinking about our personal values. Because, it turns out, I have an interesting and somewhat funny job. I spend a lot of time in cemeteries. At a late-summer seminar for rabbis preparing for the High Holy Days, Rabbi Ed Feinstein noted that spending time leading funerals and writing eulogies is an important and blessed part of a rabbi’s work, because it means that we spend a lot of time thinking about what makes life meaningful.

As we sit with family members in preparation for writing a eulogy, we try to tease out what a person’s core values were and what values they have left with those they loved. So, we gather tonight for Kol Nidre, I want to propose that we each set out this year to answer the important question: What are my core values? 

If we don’t know what we believe in, what our most important values are, then we are likely not aligning our activities and pursuits with our values. Why does it matter, you might ask? I think it matters greatly, because if we haven’t clarified in our minds what’s most important to us, then we are living life with less precise intention, grounding, and alignment than we could be—meaning we’re more likely to get blown off course, to not take a stand when it matters most, and ultimately we’re leaving our legacy at risk.

I always ask mourners, what values and lessons did your loved one teach you or model for you? They often share beautiful and poignant stories about what their partner, mother, father, or sibling valued or believed most deeply, and how the deceased modeled their values—often over a lifetime. I’ve been moved deeply hearing about values like a devotion to one’s Jewish identity, building a better life for one’s children, a dedication to hard work and sacrifice for the sake of the family, standing up for the Jewish people, honesty, compassion for others, a deep attachment to Israel, the importance of remembering our story as a Jewish people. 

But sometimes the mourners can’t clearly articulate their loved one’s values. Sometimes what I hear from family members reflects their own values more than those of the deceased. Sometimes they have a sense of what a loved one thought and believed but have a hard time putting it into words. And sometimes they really don’t know. 

Having spent a lot of time thinking about mourning and comforting the bereaved, I have come to see that one of the most profound ways of building a life of meaning is by being clear with yourself about your values and beliefs—and making the time to talk about what is important to you with those close to you. If life is a journey to home, we’ll find it better if we know what we believe in and value. A powerful poem by Rabbi Karyn Kedar, named “Decide,” speaks to this subject:

Today I decide
 to turn my eyes toward wonder,
so that I may see the expanse before me.

Today I decide to see the possibility of my life,
so that I may open my mind to greatness.

Today I will do one kindness,
so that my heart may become more loving.

Today I will pause to consider,
so that my life may become more deliberate. 

Help me, dear God, to step
Firmly upon a path of consequence,
so that I may make my life a prayer
of goodness and mercy, splendor and light.

I ask for a life of meaning,
a sense of purpose.
Today I decide. ¹ 

Yom Kippur is the perfect time to decide, because it is literally supposed to be a foretaste of our own deaths. That’s why, traditionally, we would all be wearing a white, burial shroud as we come together in prayer. That’s why we traditionally do not eat or drink. That’s why there’s such an urgency associated with this day. Untaneh Tokef is all about how much our actions really matter. How we must go deep to live the meaningful life that our tradition calls upon us to live.

About a decade ago, we here at PTS knew that to answer our tradition’s call we needed to create an expression of our core institutional values. It was a transformative experience that set our direction for the next decade and beyond. We drafted language, held focus groups to refine, debate, and discuss our values. What we arrived at are these core values: human connection, commitment to community, inclusivity, caring and kindness, and embracing change.

Ever since we completed the process, whenever the staff, board of trustees, or others are considering a big decision, we remind ourselves of our core values, and we make sure our considerations and decisions are consistent with them. Being grounded in our core values was key to getting through Covid safely with clarity and purpose. It has been key to not getting blown off course. Our values guide and ground us at all stages of our lives.

One of our members, Rebekah Coleman, who is in her early 20s, is currently doing a year-long Jewish Service Corps Fellowship at the JCC in Krakow, Poland. I asked her to share how her values guided her to where she is:

She wrote: “I can have a pretty hard time making decisions. I was given the advice to spend time reflecting on my own values and to use these to guide me through moments of feeling stuck or making a tough decision. 

“After some time, I came up with this list of my values: putting time and effort into relationships, family, open mindedness (which includes cultural exchange and knowledge), vulnerability, honesty, being able to laugh at myself, humility, and community, particularly Jewish community.

“When reflecting on this list, I realize that I have made the most important and best decisions of my life while listening to the inner voice that reminds me of these values. Take the fellowship I’m doing as an example—this year, I am putting myself in a completely new environment to learn about how Judaism is practiced and celebrated in another part of the world. I am taking the time to build new relationships, be open to learning about new cultures and perspectives, and support the building of community in a place that truly needs it. 

“There is a Hasidic story about Rabbi Zusya realizing that the question he will reflect upon at the end of his life is whether he lived to be himself fully, not whether he embodied a role model like Abraham or Moses. 
“During these High Holidays, I want to spend time thinking about my values, reflecting on how I have or have not lived them authentically, and recommit to doing so.” 

Doesn’t hearing from such an insightful young person fill your heart with hope? 

I want all of us to spend time, right now, thinking about our values. So, let’s try something: close your eyes, imagine sitting across a table or on a couch next to someone you cherish. What would you most like to tell them about yourself? What have you learned so far in your life? What would you have done differently? Where do you spend your time? Why? Who has been a constant in your life, who has not? What communities are you a part of? Do they feed your soul?

Now, open your eyes. Were there any surprises for you? Is there anything that you mentioned as being important to you that you have not made a priority? Any value that you articulated that surprised your imaginary listener? Any value that elicited a knowing nod? 

As adults, we are usually given a bit of a pass on this kind of wrestling with our own values. But as we see our world being divided into polarized camps, we are continuously being asked to choose between sides. The only way we can be effective in standing up for the things we believe in, is if we know what those are, have had practice putting them into words, and perhaps most importantly, into action, to lead the meaningful life our tradition demands. 

One group that is expected to do this kind of wrestling is our Confirmation students. For me, the goal of Confirmation is not that our students know particular facts about our religion but that they grapple with their own values. Our teens are pushed by their rabbis and each other to reflect on and articulate what they believe and why, what they value and why. They express these views during class discussions in my home and at the Confirmation service in the spring. By encouraging that grappling, we help them to launch from their parents’ home and their synagogue home to a world that can be challenging. 

I recently asked some graduates of our program who are now in college to reflect on how their discussions here at PTS influence the way they move through the world now:

Noah Reddy a college freshman, shared, “I cannot overstate just how formative an experience Confirmation was for me. Sharing my ideas, opinions, and beliefs in a safe space without fear of judgement helped me gain the confidence to stand tall as a young Jewish adult. Going into my first year of college, it is not lost on me that without Confirmation I would not be nearly as open to sharing my views with my peers, even when they go against what others may think.”

Ellie Gatoff, a junior in college, put it like this: “I’ve had the chance to discuss openly what it means to be Jewish in today’s world, not just in terms of culture or tradition, but in values like resilience, justice, community, and reflection. These opportunities to engage have prepared me for the next stage of life by strengthening my voice, deepening my empathy, and giving me a foundation of values I can return to in times of uncertainty.”

Talia Weinstien, also a college junior, shared her thoughts this way: “During Confirmation class in 2021, I had the opportunity to discuss, journal, and reflect deeply on my relationship with Judaism. Through these, and other conversations, I’ve been able to reflect on Jewish values like tikkun olam (repairing the world), tzedakah (righteous giving), chesed (loving-kindness), and emet (truth), which have become anchors, helping me face challenges with confidence, stay grounded in who I am as a Jewish woman, and guide my choices, actions, and sense of purpose.” 

As I close tonight, I challenge all of us to do the values wrestling, to follow the examples of our young people and find our voices. 
I urge us all to use this time for deep introspection, so that when the gates close at the end of Yom Kippur, we emerge with a deeper understanding of our core values and a renewed sense of how to use those values to live a life of meaning and purpose. At the end of our lives, may we conclude that we fully lived, not as another, but as ourselves.

Kein yehi ratzon, so may this be God’s will.

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  ¹ Rabbi Karyn D. Kedar, Amen: Seeking Presence with Prayer, Poetry, and Mindfulness Practice (New York: CCAR Press, 2020), 23.