Our Voices

I’ve been thinking about the word joy a lot lately. What does it actually mean? I guess it’s closely related to the word happiness. But it’s not exactly the same. When I was a Senior in high school I was asked to consider what my goal was in life (I think it was part of starting to look for a college). I remember that I answered that my goal was “to be happy.” That’s all I could think of even though I was expected to come up with an answer about a career. John Lennon once said:

Now they’ve tortured and scared you for 20 odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career 
But you can’t really function, you’re so full of fear 

No truer words were ever spoken, at least in my case. f you know my story you know that happiness often eluded me, until I walked through the doors of PTS. And honestly even then for a while it was fleeting.

But what is happiness anyway, and by extension, joy? When I was a kid I was happy when I was having fun. Banging on a guitar with my three bandmates trying to emulate the Beatles. Riding an inner tube down the rapids of a pristine river with friends, feeling the rush of going over a big drop and coming out the other side still on the tube. The first touch of a girlfriend’s hand when you finally work up the nerve to hold it.

Then you become an adult. With all of the demands of a job, and relationships and family, and just trying to find your place in the world, happiness, and more distinctly joy, tends to take a back seat. When I was in my late 30’s, working 16-hour days for a tech company, I used to think that happiness was overrated. I was wrong. That thought was my way of justifying how unhappy I was.

One big source of unhappiness and lack of joy in our society today is the lack of community. Humans need to be part of one. It’s just as simple as that. Plenty of studies have shown that a big source of illness, both physical and mental, is isolation, especially in senior citizens.

Fortunately, our hard-working Temple staff and especially Leslie Weinstein, Assistant Director of Early Childhood Education, have come up with a cure. It is called B’ychad Buddies, a program that brings together Senior Citizens with preschoolers.

Rabbi Lavey Derby says he no longer believes in coincidences, I’m starting to agree with him. This program coming along when it did was a godsend for me. In last month’s Voices, there was a link to a podcast where I was interviewed. If you listened to that you know that the one big regret of my life is not having children. I think God may have been listening to that because, for me, hanging out with these pure little souls is unadulterated joy.

Our liturgy tells us, “My God, the soul you have given me is pure.” Watching these little faces as they discover life through the activities that are planned for The Buddies program reinforces that fact. Last spring, the staff set up activities to honor the holiday of Pesach. One of them was a reenactment of the crossing of the Sea of Reeds. We walked through a canopy meant to resemble the sea and then when we got to the other side there was also a box of timbrels and noise makers so we could dance like Miriam and the children. What fun that was for them! What joy for them, and me!

There is one little boy in the group who has really touched me. In the first few sessions he was obviously frightened and was holding on to one of the teachers and wouldn’t let go of her. It was pretty striking. I tried to make some contact with him but he was not interested at first. But over time, the hard and caring work of the preschool staff has apparently moved mountains with this kid. One of the activities on Earth day was to walk around the block and pick up trash. By now the boy was walking by himself and he was actually talking to me and very proudly showed me whenever he found a piece of trash to pick up. Last week there was a spontaneous group hug and this little boy was one of the first ones in. One of the teachers took a picture and you can clearly see his sweet face.

So, what is joy? Well if you look that word up in the dictionary you will see that picture. The B’ychad Buddies program has been an endless source of joy for me. Hanging out with these pure little souls has become a high point of my week. If you are a Senior Citizen you might find the same thing is true for you if you give it a try. 

Become a part of B’Yachad Buddies
B’Yachad Buddies is an intergenerational program bringing elders from the congregation and preschoolers together to share time, conversation, activities, and love. Contact Leslie Weinstein, Assistant Director of Early Childhood Education, at (650) 697-2279.