Our Voices

Chief Community Officer

The jocks in my high school used to throw pennies at their less cool classmates as they walked down the hall. Since I was (and still am) someone who tended more towards nerd than cool kid I had a few coins tossed at me over the years.

Classic bullying.

According to Merriam-Webster, a bully is a blustering, browbeating person, especially one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable.

Since high school, I have been dismayed to learn that adults can be bullies too. Recently, I had an experience where another adult has badgered and threatened me to try to get their way. They name-dropped in an (unsuccessful) attempt to bolster their strength and pushed what they hoped were my particular buttons. What they wanted was an adult-version of my school lunch: to get their way at the expense of others.

Appeasing a bully seemed like the easy thing to do in high school, and still does today. But that only makes things seem ok for a little while, until the next penny is thrown.

What does Judaism have to say about responding to bullies? Haman (booo) was a bully. Pharaoh was a bully. In each case, the Jewish people prevailed by setting aside fears and mustering the strength to do what needed to be done. One of my favorite Jewish teachings is Hillel’s always-relevant lesson: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?

When thinking about bullies, Hillel’s teaching rings true.

As an adult, guided by my values and life experience, I have perspective that the teenage me did not. I now understand that the only way to fend off a bully is to stand up and be strong. For someone like me who wants everyone to be satisfied and happy, self-advocating can be difficult. Indeed, it keeps me up at night. Yet, easy and right are not often the best companions.

The odd truth is that bullies give the rest of us a gift in the form of a lesson. If a bully can masquerade their weakness in a costume of strength, then the rest of us can do the opposite. We can choose to wear our righteousness and our values on the outside to achieve what is good. In the case of the bully currently in my life, I need to remind myself of this truth. 

While this lesson can be entirely personal, it is also communal. When we stand together in righteousness to include those who are marginalized, for example, by advocating for voting rights for all and working for housing equity, we are taking Hillel’s lesson to heart.

Bullies often win in our culture, especially if we don’t push back in a unified way. Russian President Vladimir Putin is the most visible bully on the international scene today. He is sending bombs to civilian targets, including hospitals, schools, and bread lines, with the intention of creating fear that will lead to capitulation. Bullies, like Putin, can be unpredictable and, indeed, lash out more when they do not get their way. The more unhinged they become, the more risks they take at their targets’ expense; and if the targets of bullies have no allies, they hardly stand a chance.

Regular people can be dangerous bullies too. I am thinking about the many men in important roles who have sexually abused women and children for years, sadly, including priests, rabbis, coaches, and bosses. In recent years, the Me-Too movement has brought these bullies to light. 

There is the case in Ann Arbor Michigan, where anti-semitic protesters have been picketing on Shabbat for 18 years in front of a conservative synagogue under the guise of anti-Israel free speech, with signs thay say “Resist Jewish Power” and “No More Holocaust Movies.” This group has only recently been condemned by the City Council and congregants continue to be embroiled in an expensive legal battle with the protestors.

Nationally, we are experiencing agitators outside of abortion clinics, emboldened by the recent activity to restrict abortion rights in several states. With the current political climate and makeup of the Supreme Court, standing up to some of these bullies seems nearly impossible.

Unfortunately, we have grown accustomed to being bullied and sometimes choose to tune it out. But we should not. If we turn away, it will only get worse for us and for others. It is our sacred duty to stand up. To be strong.

Let us all channel our inner Esthers and inner Mordechais. Let us be like Moses. With the strength of our tradition to guide us, let us uphold our values and take action for what we know to be right and true. 

If not now, when?